We Are Like This Onlee - 2

[Capt M Kumar]

<img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':lol:' /> When the dog died, he removed its heart with the help of a pair of scissors and ate it raw. The dog had bitten him several times during the course of being killed.



"[color="#9932CC"]Now, there will be no effect of rabies on my body[/color]," Chukna was quoted as saying by the local media. According to him, he did not need medical help as he did the treatment by eating the heart of the dog.



The dog had bitten seven people of the village in the last one week and the villagers had been terrorised by the animal.

http://news.in.msn.com/national/article....id=3669347 <img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

[Guest]

[Guest]

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=95940218047

[Capt M Kumar]

<img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> Geldman has coined the name Slurls for such ambiguities, combining the words "slur" and "url", which means uniform resource locator and is the technical term for an internet address.



Most ambiguities prompt the response: what were they thinking? Log on to menlove.com and you do not expect to find the site of a Toyota dealer in sleepy Utah. Likewise, would you feel comfortable as a hotel owner renting bedlinen from ladrape.co.uk? Yet this is the site of a Cheshire firm. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Home/...992634.cms

[Bharatvarsh2]

Bullshido.net Karate Sucks Month 2007



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdN-UtL5VuU



Bullshido: Wing Chun Sucks



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7KxuDYfpSQ

<img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> McDojo's at their best.

[Capt M Kumar]

A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.



As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:



"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."



The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said:



"Please tie a pillow to my back."



This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.



The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."



But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.



The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:



"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"



"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.



"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."



"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.



"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it." And what is your second wish?" the Sheik asked.



Sardar smiled and said, " Tie the Pakistani to my back " !!! <img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

- Lavanya <img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

[Capt M Kumar]

<img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.



Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"



So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray ?"



The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."



Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.



Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."



And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke ?"



To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

[Capt M Kumar]

<img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> एक चींटी तेजी से भागी जा रही थी।

रास्ते मे बंदर ने उससे पूछा, 'कहां भागी जा रही हो?'

चींटी, 'अरे अपने गज्जु हाथी का ऐक्सीडेंट हो गया है, उसे खून देने जा रही हूं।' min translation: an ant was running fast. A monkey asked her on way, ' Where r u running to?'

Ant says, 'Our gajraj elephant had an accident and I am running to donate to blood him so that he can be saved in time.' <img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />

[Capt M Kumar]

Five of the Best Short Politician Jokes

Wednesday 28th, July 2010



1. Only in Britain......do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well.

"Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures".

2. During Britain's "brain drain," not a single politician left the country.

3. Statesmen tell you what is true even though it may be unpopular. Politicians will tell you what is popular, even though it may be untrue.

4. Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.

5. Nobody can fix the economy.

Nobody can be trusted with their finger on the button.

Nobody's perfect.

Vote for Nobody. http://www.siliconindia.com/showhumor/Fi...37556.html

[Capt M Kumar]

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to



kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were



heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the



walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and



there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was



loaded with false bullets" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the



chair!!" http://www.siliconindia.com/showhumor/Wo...26713.html



MORAL: Women are extremely determined.. Don't mess with them?

[Capt M Kumar]

<img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> HEAVEN AND HELL



While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit

by a car and died.



His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.



"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there

is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see,

so we're not sure what to do with you."



"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..



"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do

is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose

where to spend eternity."



"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.



"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."



And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,

down, down to hell.



The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his

friends and other politicians who had worked with him.



Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake

his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich

at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and

the finest champagne.



Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having

a good time dancing and telling jokes.



They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it,

it is time to go.



Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...



The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St.

Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."



So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls

moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good

time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter

returns.



"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose

your eternity."



The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never

have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I

would be better off in hell."



So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to

hell..



The doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land

covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,

picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from

above.



The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.



"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and

there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar,

drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a

wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"



The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.."



Vote wisely on November 2, 2010

and Date wisely. http://ramesh140043.multiply.com/journal/item/695

[Guest]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aqXtxzOBiw&feature=player_embedded[/media]

[Capt M Kumar]

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with another woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."



You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."



As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"



"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed." http://www.siliconindia.com/showhumor/Do...02124.html

[Capt M Kumar]

I’m afraid I can’t comment on that. But it is high time that we, the people of India, became mature enough to make peace with the fact that the buck doesn’t stop anywhere but in the offshore account of a talented, hardworking scamster who has graduated from ASSES.



What is your message to India’s youngsters from the SEC A category?

India is on sale right now. This is the best time ever to sell off your country’s resources and siphon away taxpayer’s money. Once you’ve done this long enough to become a dollar billionaire, like a true patriot, become an NRI and come back for more. Jai Hind. http://www.dnaindia.com/india/interview_...ia_1488195

[Capt M Kumar]

National Corruption Institute Of India (NCII)

<img src='http://www.india-forum.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ohmy.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt=':o' /> by: "shobha mathur" shobhamma@hotmail.com



National Corruption Institute Of India (NCII)



Saturday, November 13, 2010



You’ve all heard of B-Schools. Yes the IIM and related armada of annually turned out Business School graduates who all end up working in companies which I have huge stakes in and yes the B-SCHOOL is also a distinct brand of business teaching that allows Professor Arindam Chaudhuri to dare aspiring B-Schoolers to think beyond the IIM’s and in return be rewarded with laptops (on a first come first serve basis)



The future of this country lies not in the B-School but rather in the C-SCHOOL where C stands for CORRUPTION. Apart from this Legendary Investor the next bunch of highest money makers are our politicians.



And politicians need to excel in the art and science of corruption to become successful politicians. Therefore I forecast a C-School boom much like the B-School boom so that aspiring politicians can learn the proper ways of corruption.



But no matter how many C-schools come up, none will ever match the class and academic scholarship of the World’s Best C-School: THE NATIONAL CORRUPTION INSTITUTE OF INDIA or The NCII.



Our most prestigious politicians like Shibu Soren, Sharad Pawar, Mulayam Singh, Vilasrao Deshmukh, The Reddy Brothers, Madhu Koda, Mayawati and more recently Ashok Chavan, A.Raja and Suresh Kalmadihave passed out with distinguished honors from the hallowed grounds of the NCII.



If you too want to become a successful politician then you must join the NCII.The WORLD’S GREATEST C-SCHOOL! Just check out their new advertisement for aspiring C-School applicants:



National Corruption Institute Of India (NCII)Affiliated To Indian Parliament

Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World’s Best C-School



Invites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption (BC).



Earn your BC from the World’s Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies

OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES:-

Financial Theory and Practice

Transfer of funds through HAWALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA

FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.

Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.

Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and ­methods like ‘Chai Pani’, ‘Parcel’, ‘Change’, ‘Gift Box’ , ‘Color TV’, ‘Foreign Trip’ and the ever popular ‘Children’s School Fees’

Public Relations (PR) and Media Management

Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.

Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.

Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY. Learn how to argue on TV with other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.



Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING.



Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED”

Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.

Law and Order Module:



In this module you will learn how to:

Commit MURDER and RAPE

Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control

Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested.

Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the first place!

FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures in this chapter by visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!



Advanced Riotology

Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.

Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS

Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of ‘DESI DARU’ to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!

Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.



Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.



Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.

Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of World Class Professors . Special Courses In:

‘2G SPECTRUM – A Telecommunications Perspective’ By Professor Andimuthu Raja



‘Flat Taking From Army Jawan’ ByProfessor Ashok Chavan

‘The Correct Standard of Clean’ By Professor Lalit Bhanot

‘Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal’ By Professor Suresh Kalmadi



‘Application of Corruption on Non Human Species – Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder’ By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav

‘Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money That Building The Taj Mahal Itself’ By Professor Mayawati Kumari.

And Many Many More!!

SO FORGET B-SCHOOL!



BE COOL JOIN C-SCHOOL.

NCII IS THE BEST.



Thanks and



Error! Filename not specified.

[Guest]

· On 1st Jan the date will be--1-1-11



· On 11th Jan date will be....11-1-11



· On 9th October the date will be-----9-10-11---(ascending order)



· On 1st November date will be ........1-11-11



· On 11the of November the date will be 11-11-11---(unique number)





· On 20th November date will be.......20-11-2011





· On the 13the December the date will be 13-12-11---(descending order)



This happens once in 1000 years.

[Capt M Kumar]

Some other facts:

Days in this yr are same as 2005 i.e. 2005 also started on Saturday.

Now 2005 and 2011 will be repeated again in 2024 most probably.

[Capt M Kumar]

One of the girls points towards a well-dressed young man and says he must be very rich. http://www.telegraphindia.com/1110118/js...457180.jsp



“The other girl asks why? Reply: His mouth smells of onion,” Gadkari said to peels of laughter.



Another SMS was on a father worried about his daughter’s height. A doctor suggested that the father take his daughter to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, which he did, Gadkari said.



The Prime Minister advised the father to change his daughter’s name to mahangai. “She will rapidly increase in size.

[Capt M Kumar]

[quote name='Capt M Kumar' date='11 January 2011 - 07:06 AM' timestamp='1294709305' post='110197']

Some other facts:

Days in this yr are same as 2005 i.e. 2005 also started on Saturday.

Now 2005 and 2011 will be repeated again in 2024 most probably.

[/quote] From: Ramakrishnan TV <teeveearekay@gmail.com>



NOW go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were

born plus the age you will be this year and it WILL EQUAL .... 111

THIS IS SO STRANGE......NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE, . ITS 111....

[Capt M Kumar]

Why you want a divorce?

http://www.siliconindia.com/showhumor/Wh...Subscriber

There was once a simple farmer who wanted to have a divorce. he was not worldly wise. when he went to the court for divorce the judge asked him why he wants to have a divorce. he said: my lord, i am a simple uneducated man, who has no experience, who is not worldly wise an so on and so on he went. the judge stopped him and said, we understand that now come to the point. the farmer said: my lord i had sowed indian seeds but reaped chinese harvest.