08-13-2005, 12:24 PM
Kamal, whom Americans call Camel, is a not-so-hapless Hindu friend that lives in the Bible belt. He always looks forward to the opportunity of meeting the next missionary. Camel believes that beauty is in the eyes of beer-holder and enjoys reading Osho. Here is a conversation he had with a Christian missionary:
Missionary: Hi Camel, donât you want to save yourself?
Camel: Save myself from what?
Missionary: Save yourself from hell. Do you know that if you donât accept Jesus Christ as your savior and get baptized, you will go to hell forever?
Camel: I see. My parents died Hindus. So did my grandfather, who also occasionally smoked marijuana. Will they go to hell?
Missionary: [Feigning pity] Yes, I am so sorry to say this, but you have the chance to save yourself and your family.
Camel: What about my drinking buddy from the West Coast? He gets drunk and calls God filthy names.
Missionary: [Red in the face] Jesus Christ! He will certainly go to hell.
Camel: My parrot? She enjoys sex with her boy parrot friend?
Missionary: Terrible! She will go to hell with her boy parrot friend. Jesus really, really hated sex. Anyone that enjoys sex will burn in hell forever.
Camel: I see. That brings up the question about me and my wife. We have mastered all but two techniques of Kamasutra. How will Christ judge us?
Missionary: Very bad, very bad. When good Christians have sex even they canât tell it happened. Really good Christians castrate themselves. Please, please accept Jesus, give up sex and be saved from hell.
Camel: [After a moment of reflection] You know what, I want to go to hell.
Missionary: [Now confused] You want to go to hell? I donât understand this.
Camel: Yes. What will I do in heaven anyway? You have your Jesus Christ, very moral Christians like yourself and certainly no sex and no calling names in heaven. I will get bored in a day. Now that you have confirmed that everyone I like â my wife, parents, grandfather, drinking buddy and parrot â will go to hell, I want to go to hell and have a nice time with them. I donât want to go to heaven even by mistake. Can you please tell me how I can ensure that I will go to hell?
The confused missionary promised to come back when Camel gets sober and Camel is still waiting. Can some other Christian missionary please guide Camel to hell?
Missionary: Hi Camel, donât you want to save yourself?
Camel: Save myself from what?
Missionary: Save yourself from hell. Do you know that if you donât accept Jesus Christ as your savior and get baptized, you will go to hell forever?
Camel: I see. My parents died Hindus. So did my grandfather, who also occasionally smoked marijuana. Will they go to hell?
Missionary: [Feigning pity] Yes, I am so sorry to say this, but you have the chance to save yourself and your family.
Camel: What about my drinking buddy from the West Coast? He gets drunk and calls God filthy names.
Missionary: [Red in the face] Jesus Christ! He will certainly go to hell.
Camel: My parrot? She enjoys sex with her boy parrot friend?
Missionary: Terrible! She will go to hell with her boy parrot friend. Jesus really, really hated sex. Anyone that enjoys sex will burn in hell forever.
Camel: I see. That brings up the question about me and my wife. We have mastered all but two techniques of Kamasutra. How will Christ judge us?
Missionary: Very bad, very bad. When good Christians have sex even they canât tell it happened. Really good Christians castrate themselves. Please, please accept Jesus, give up sex and be saved from hell.
Camel: [After a moment of reflection] You know what, I want to go to hell.
Missionary: [Now confused] You want to go to hell? I donât understand this.
Camel: Yes. What will I do in heaven anyway? You have your Jesus Christ, very moral Christians like yourself and certainly no sex and no calling names in heaven. I will get bored in a day. Now that you have confirmed that everyone I like â my wife, parents, grandfather, drinking buddy and parrot â will go to hell, I want to go to hell and have a nice time with them. I donât want to go to heaven even by mistake. Can you please tell me how I can ensure that I will go to hell?
The confused missionary promised to come back when Camel gets sober and Camel is still waiting. Can some other Christian missionary please guide Camel to hell?