12-08-2006, 10:26 AM
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->SUCHGUPÂ
<b>No Sonia</b>
Big Ben when asked why she would not want to be a Pakistani Sonia Gandhi, replied, drawing herself up to her full height, âBecause, my dear, I am not Italianâ. <!--emo&
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<b>Only in Pakistan...</b>
Deep in the Salt Range, in a picturesque valley there is a cement factory, inappropriately named after its poor labourers. A couple of months ago, the management of Poverty-ville Cement decided to lay off 260 workers without explanantion and more importantly, without approrpriate compensation. The workers protested and the rest of the work force downed tools in a strike to express solidarity with their laid-off co-workers. Instead of negotiating with their workers, the management hired hundreds of armed thugs from a neighbouring tribal area and sought to browbeat the workers into submission.
The conscientious local nazim and the Chakwal police got wind of the arrival of hundreds of armed militiamen in their district, went to Poverty-ville Cement and arrested the hired thugs. The management went running to Isloo and knocked on Shortcut âs door who they say is a friend of the ownerâs. Our mole reports that Shortcut ordered the district nazim to get the entire hired militia released and all charges dropped. And so it has happened. Only in the Land of the Pure ...
<b>Our lives in their hands</b>
Readers will have come across a small news item in the press recently about an aircraft of our national carrier which fell precipitiously mid-flight due to an âair pocketâ. We would never have known the truth had it not been for the fact that a high aviation officialâs daughter and her toddler son were on the flight, as wasa powerful senator who raised a right ruckus on his arrival in Isloo. The daughter complained to her father and he asked for a thorough enquiry. It transpires that the aircraftâs auto pilot mechanism was faulty and when the plane plunged thousands of feet the pilot tried to operate it manually. He was inexperienced and nervous and while he steadied the craft for a few minutes, it went into free fall again. This happened a total of three times and the aircraft had plunged thousands of feet by the time it stabilised. The aviation officialâs daughter and other passengers described the horrific experience to their near and dear ones. It was only at the aviation officialâs insistence that an enquiry was launched and the fault with the auto pilot discovered.
The problem with our national carrier is that many of its staffers have left the airline for better prospects elsewhere, particularly in the Middle East with the result that our aircraft are neither properly maintained nor manned. The paucity of qualified ground staff is particularly appalling. Recently, 120 engineers handed in their resignations and they were not accepted. The engineers were doubtless moving on to greeener pastures. Rumour has itthat the management of our national carrier has doubled the engineersâ salaries and persuaded them to stay on.
+++++
<b>Nuggets from the Urdu press </b>
Reversal of marriage sequence
Sarerahe wrote in daily Nawa-i-Waqt that in an English newspaper there was a picture of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, with their daughter, who were getting married at the end of the week. The followers of the temple of enlightened ones shall be glad that we can see such pictures of our future in our newspapers. Very soon, the interest will be paid in advance and the original amount will be received later. Just now, we have seen the emergence of Womenâs protection bill and are waiting for many more results from the bill. In western countries, the sequence of marriages has reversed.
<b>Newspapers not allowed in madrassas</b>
Columnist Zamurd Naqvi, in daily Express, opined that our ulema karam are still living in the medieval era. The daily newspapers and magazines are banned in dini madaris. These students are kept in check so that their brains are not tainted with modern knowledge. These ulema donât fight on the timings of prayers, but create a religious war on the sighting of Ramadan and Shawal moons. The rest of the year, we see no fight on a moon sighting.
<b>Bullet ridden body killed in bomb attack</b>
According to Daily Pakistan, a bullet ridden body of a 40 year-old was found near the fields in Bajaur. His name was Jan Mohammad and he was living 2 kilometers away from the Bajaur madrassa. Local residents suspected him of spying for the government and he roamed around with a satellite phone. His body was found ridden with bullets but anti-government leader Maulana Faqir Mohammad said he was killed in Baujaur bombing.
<b>Question paper is out for us!</b>
According to daily Nawa-i-Waqt, the amir of Tablighi Jamaat, Maulana Abdul Wahab stated that the world is like an examination hall. The question paper was shown to the Muslims before the examination. Even then, if we failed the exams then only death will be the result. He said Muslims are insulted and trampled because of their aloofness from Islam. If they unite sincerely, the power of God will also favor them, and then they would dominate the Christians and Jews (yahood-o-nasara).
<b>Bajaur injured disappear</b>
According to Daily Pakistan, the injured of Bajaur bombing have disappeared from the hospitals of Peshawar. They were under pressure from the government to remain silent. The Khyber medical centre did not confirm whether they were taken away by some agencies or if they disappeared themselves. Some sources claimed that they were taken by Jamaat Islami, but the injured were not in found in Al Khidmat hospital or Al Kuwait hospital.
<b>Dual standards of Muslims</b>
As reported in daily Khabrain, senior Bishop of Church of England, Nazir Ali, was the son of a Muslim but later converted to Christianity. He criticised the dual standards of Muslims who an support invasion of when Muslims are victims of violence, like in Kosovo and Bosnia. But invasion against Muslims is considered wrong, when Muslims are themselves aggressors and terrorists, like in Afghanistan and Iraq. He said no one can satisfy the demands of Muslims as new ones will keep cropping up. He criticised the British government of back tracking on the issue of removing the fanaticism from the British mosques. He said that some ideas and notions of Muslims were not rejected, which is why Muslim religious scholars are spreading fanaticism and hatred on the internet in Britian.
<b>Nikah or gang rape</b>
In daily Express, veteran columnist Athar Tahir wrote that the clerical alliance got trapped in its own politics. Opponents called it the alliance of hypocrites, and Ayaz Amir has called it the national symbol of hypocrisy. It canât be said that they are being punished for hypocrisy as no one was ever punished for hypocrisy in this country. The country was facing gang rapes from its inception and the 17th amendment was a historical gang rape of democracy. The MMA had its pleasure with the government. Some day it might come to light that âangelsâ brought MMA into existence to use them to solemnize this âgang rapeâ as ânikahâ.
<b>Iqbal Day under the influence of clerics</b>
According to daily Nawa-i-Waqt Markazia Majlis-i-Iqbal celebrated Iqbal Day at Alhamra complex. During his speech, when Professor Fateh Mohammad Malik said, âif Allama Iqbal was alive todayâ¦â some one from the hall said, âhe would have been under house arrest like Dr AQ Khanâ. Qazi Hussain Ahmad said that Allama Iqbal is not against the Mullah Omar, the audience shouted, âAl Jihad! Al Jihadâ. Mujib ur Rehman Shami said iqbal was wali ullah and a qalander. Qazi Hussain Ahmad created an emotionally charged atmosphere when he described the events of Bajaur incident in front of the audience and some people were seen with tears in their eyes.
<b>Emotional parade on Wahga border</b>
As reported in daily Nawa-i-Waqt, foreign office representative Tasnim Aslam said it is only rumor that the emotional flag ceremonies on the Wahga border will end. She said both the countries are free to decide about the practice. If India ends the emotional element in the conventional parade on the Wahga border, then Pakistan would decide about stopping this practice from its side.
<b>Christian boy married Muslim girl for money</b>
As reported in daily Nawa-i-Waqt, a Christian, Nauman Khalid, trapped a Muslim girl on the telephone and then married her to swindle lacs of rupees and gold jewellery from her. When the girl told her family, Nauman Khalid produced documents that he had converted to Islam and they were married again. When she got to know that Nauman had four different identity cards and his religion was really Christianity, she came back to her parentâs house. <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<b>No Sonia</b>
Big Ben when asked why she would not want to be a Pakistani Sonia Gandhi, replied, drawing herself up to her full height, âBecause, my dear, I am not Italianâ. <!--emo&
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> <b>Only in Pakistan...</b>
Deep in the Salt Range, in a picturesque valley there is a cement factory, inappropriately named after its poor labourers. A couple of months ago, the management of Poverty-ville Cement decided to lay off 260 workers without explanantion and more importantly, without approrpriate compensation. The workers protested and the rest of the work force downed tools in a strike to express solidarity with their laid-off co-workers. Instead of negotiating with their workers, the management hired hundreds of armed thugs from a neighbouring tribal area and sought to browbeat the workers into submission.
The conscientious local nazim and the Chakwal police got wind of the arrival of hundreds of armed militiamen in their district, went to Poverty-ville Cement and arrested the hired thugs. The management went running to Isloo and knocked on Shortcut âs door who they say is a friend of the ownerâs. Our mole reports that Shortcut ordered the district nazim to get the entire hired militia released and all charges dropped. And so it has happened. Only in the Land of the Pure ...
<b>Our lives in their hands</b>
Readers will have come across a small news item in the press recently about an aircraft of our national carrier which fell precipitiously mid-flight due to an âair pocketâ. We would never have known the truth had it not been for the fact that a high aviation officialâs daughter and her toddler son were on the flight, as wasa powerful senator who raised a right ruckus on his arrival in Isloo. The daughter complained to her father and he asked for a thorough enquiry. It transpires that the aircraftâs auto pilot mechanism was faulty and when the plane plunged thousands of feet the pilot tried to operate it manually. He was inexperienced and nervous and while he steadied the craft for a few minutes, it went into free fall again. This happened a total of three times and the aircraft had plunged thousands of feet by the time it stabilised. The aviation officialâs daughter and other passengers described the horrific experience to their near and dear ones. It was only at the aviation officialâs insistence that an enquiry was launched and the fault with the auto pilot discovered.
The problem with our national carrier is that many of its staffers have left the airline for better prospects elsewhere, particularly in the Middle East with the result that our aircraft are neither properly maintained nor manned. The paucity of qualified ground staff is particularly appalling. Recently, 120 engineers handed in their resignations and they were not accepted. The engineers were doubtless moving on to greeener pastures. Rumour has itthat the management of our national carrier has doubled the engineersâ salaries and persuaded them to stay on.
+++++
<b>Nuggets from the Urdu press </b>
Reversal of marriage sequence
Sarerahe wrote in daily Nawa-i-Waqt that in an English newspaper there was a picture of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, with their daughter, who were getting married at the end of the week. The followers of the temple of enlightened ones shall be glad that we can see such pictures of our future in our newspapers. Very soon, the interest will be paid in advance and the original amount will be received later. Just now, we have seen the emergence of Womenâs protection bill and are waiting for many more results from the bill. In western countries, the sequence of marriages has reversed.
<b>Newspapers not allowed in madrassas</b>
Columnist Zamurd Naqvi, in daily Express, opined that our ulema karam are still living in the medieval era. The daily newspapers and magazines are banned in dini madaris. These students are kept in check so that their brains are not tainted with modern knowledge. These ulema donât fight on the timings of prayers, but create a religious war on the sighting of Ramadan and Shawal moons. The rest of the year, we see no fight on a moon sighting.
<b>Bullet ridden body killed in bomb attack</b>
According to Daily Pakistan, a bullet ridden body of a 40 year-old was found near the fields in Bajaur. His name was Jan Mohammad and he was living 2 kilometers away from the Bajaur madrassa. Local residents suspected him of spying for the government and he roamed around with a satellite phone. His body was found ridden with bullets but anti-government leader Maulana Faqir Mohammad said he was killed in Baujaur bombing.
<b>Question paper is out for us!</b>
According to daily Nawa-i-Waqt, the amir of Tablighi Jamaat, Maulana Abdul Wahab stated that the world is like an examination hall. The question paper was shown to the Muslims before the examination. Even then, if we failed the exams then only death will be the result. He said Muslims are insulted and trampled because of their aloofness from Islam. If they unite sincerely, the power of God will also favor them, and then they would dominate the Christians and Jews (yahood-o-nasara).
<b>Bajaur injured disappear</b>
According to Daily Pakistan, the injured of Bajaur bombing have disappeared from the hospitals of Peshawar. They were under pressure from the government to remain silent. The Khyber medical centre did not confirm whether they were taken away by some agencies or if they disappeared themselves. Some sources claimed that they were taken by Jamaat Islami, but the injured were not in found in Al Khidmat hospital or Al Kuwait hospital.
<b>Dual standards of Muslims</b>
As reported in daily Khabrain, senior Bishop of Church of England, Nazir Ali, was the son of a Muslim but later converted to Christianity. He criticised the dual standards of Muslims who an support invasion of when Muslims are victims of violence, like in Kosovo and Bosnia. But invasion against Muslims is considered wrong, when Muslims are themselves aggressors and terrorists, like in Afghanistan and Iraq. He said no one can satisfy the demands of Muslims as new ones will keep cropping up. He criticised the British government of back tracking on the issue of removing the fanaticism from the British mosques. He said that some ideas and notions of Muslims were not rejected, which is why Muslim religious scholars are spreading fanaticism and hatred on the internet in Britian.
<b>Nikah or gang rape</b>
In daily Express, veteran columnist Athar Tahir wrote that the clerical alliance got trapped in its own politics. Opponents called it the alliance of hypocrites, and Ayaz Amir has called it the national symbol of hypocrisy. It canât be said that they are being punished for hypocrisy as no one was ever punished for hypocrisy in this country. The country was facing gang rapes from its inception and the 17th amendment was a historical gang rape of democracy. The MMA had its pleasure with the government. Some day it might come to light that âangelsâ brought MMA into existence to use them to solemnize this âgang rapeâ as ânikahâ.
<b>Iqbal Day under the influence of clerics</b>
According to daily Nawa-i-Waqt Markazia Majlis-i-Iqbal celebrated Iqbal Day at Alhamra complex. During his speech, when Professor Fateh Mohammad Malik said, âif Allama Iqbal was alive todayâ¦â some one from the hall said, âhe would have been under house arrest like Dr AQ Khanâ. Qazi Hussain Ahmad said that Allama Iqbal is not against the Mullah Omar, the audience shouted, âAl Jihad! Al Jihadâ. Mujib ur Rehman Shami said iqbal was wali ullah and a qalander. Qazi Hussain Ahmad created an emotionally charged atmosphere when he described the events of Bajaur incident in front of the audience and some people were seen with tears in their eyes.
<b>Emotional parade on Wahga border</b>
As reported in daily Nawa-i-Waqt, foreign office representative Tasnim Aslam said it is only rumor that the emotional flag ceremonies on the Wahga border will end. She said both the countries are free to decide about the practice. If India ends the emotional element in the conventional parade on the Wahga border, then Pakistan would decide about stopping this practice from its side.
<b>Christian boy married Muslim girl for money</b>
As reported in daily Nawa-i-Waqt, a Christian, Nauman Khalid, trapped a Muslim girl on the telephone and then married her to swindle lacs of rupees and gold jewellery from her. When the girl told her family, Nauman Khalid produced documents that he had converted to Islam and they were married again. When she got to know that Nauman had four different identity cards and his religion was really Christianity, she came back to her parentâs house. <!--emo&
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->