Post 45 (Bharatvarsha):
Don't mean the following as criticism, just my thoughts.
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Well I have already thought about that and have even come up with extra safe guards so that my kids don't forget the language, simply marry someone who can't speak English, my Gujarati mitra did and he is doing fine, then the kids will have to talk in Telugu with their mother to make her understand, I know enuf people that get by without English in the West, it's no big deal.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->You've obviously given considerable thought to this. But I think it might be hard for a wife if she were living outside India and could not speak English. She'd be isolated - she'd have her husband of course, but that's all. Some Indian women tend to be snobbish and might look down on another who does not know English. So she might find it hard to make worthwhile friends of a similar background.
She would also be entirely dependent on you: if anything drastic happened (fire, explosion nearby) she won't be able to call for help and explain the problem. Her children can't ask her to help with their homework because it's in another medium. They won't know how clever she is and as they get older - though they will always love her - they might not choose to consult her in certain matters.
Not knowing the local language is a huge barrier. One can be very intelligent, but when one doesn't know the language one can be severely impeded in many basic day-to-day things, become frustrated, begin to develop feelings of low self-esteem, feel alone, get depressed. I've seen it happen to many older immigrants from China and Taiwan. Some of them persist and succeed - often because they want to give their children a safe and secure future, but a few find the struggle too great and return to Taiwan. Of course a young wife tends to be more resilient than older couples, and usually takes it in stride. Nevertheless stress and anxiety can build up - even when going grocery shopping, for instance. To be an immigrant somewhat speaking the language is hard enough, but to not know the language at all would be quite a challenge I suspect.
Canada is a bi-lingual country at least, but if it were a country like the US, the people there are pretty much insistent on everyone knowing English. A significant proportion of Americans are also highly paranoid and resentful about people (immigrants) who don't know and don't learn English - especially when they get on fine without it. There are so many Mexican communities in the southern parts of the US that most there speak Spanish in their communities and don't need to ever learn English. However, a young Telugu woman won't have such a large self-subsistent community to fall back on.
Perhaps widen your choice to including in your consideration someone who's studied English as a compulsory subject at late primary/early high school, but does not really speak it at home. That is, people for whom English has always been and will be a secondary language. (They will then be able to pick up English to use it when necessary, but still know and speak their own language with excellence.) There will be many such people in Andhra Pradesh I think, because there are many such young men and women in Tamil Nadu.
Alternatively, you'll have to spend a lot of time teaching English to her. Of course this could be fun, build confidence and strengthen ties - and involve watching lots of nice films with her <!--emo&
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo--> But it is also a time-intensive effort: time you might both rather spend on settling down into married life, smooth-running of routine and making things comfortable.
In my own family, there was one instance of a young couple long ago who moved to a neighbouring state. (I'm deliberately going to be vague in order to keep the details private.) The husband at least was going out to work everyday, but the wife was at home a lot, and there was no one to talk to because everyone spoke a different (admittedly also S Indian) language. No one understood Tamil. The husband taught himself the local language and also taught his wife, but even so it took many years. I was told by the husband that the isolation his wife felt must have been very great.
This can only be greater where couples move to outside India (for example, when my parents left India for the first time), to countries where even gestures are different. And of course, more importantly, where the culture and daily mode of life is utterly, profoundly different.
Today, moving to a different Indian state is far easier, so a spouse who speaks only Telugu will not have as much difficulty. But to move to another country could be very hard for her, I imagine.
Anyway, best of luck to you. You will find a wonderful wife, the perfect spouse for you and you'll both be very happy.
As a general suggestion, one of the most important things is to always teach one's spouse anything useful that one learns or has learnt, that might benefit her/him also. Sharing useful knowledge can often be as meaningful and valuable as sharing life's joys and sorrows, sharing daily comforts like food, sharing children, time, experiences. (I know this from old cases in my own family. Very romantic <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo--> )
Don't mean the following as criticism, just my thoughts.
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Well I have already thought about that and have even come up with extra safe guards so that my kids don't forget the language, simply marry someone who can't speak English, my Gujarati mitra did and he is doing fine, then the kids will have to talk in Telugu with their mother to make her understand, I know enuf people that get by without English in the West, it's no big deal.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->You've obviously given considerable thought to this. But I think it might be hard for a wife if she were living outside India and could not speak English. She'd be isolated - she'd have her husband of course, but that's all. Some Indian women tend to be snobbish and might look down on another who does not know English. So she might find it hard to make worthwhile friends of a similar background.
She would also be entirely dependent on you: if anything drastic happened (fire, explosion nearby) she won't be able to call for help and explain the problem. Her children can't ask her to help with their homework because it's in another medium. They won't know how clever she is and as they get older - though they will always love her - they might not choose to consult her in certain matters.
Not knowing the local language is a huge barrier. One can be very intelligent, but when one doesn't know the language one can be severely impeded in many basic day-to-day things, become frustrated, begin to develop feelings of low self-esteem, feel alone, get depressed. I've seen it happen to many older immigrants from China and Taiwan. Some of them persist and succeed - often because they want to give their children a safe and secure future, but a few find the struggle too great and return to Taiwan. Of course a young wife tends to be more resilient than older couples, and usually takes it in stride. Nevertheless stress and anxiety can build up - even when going grocery shopping, for instance. To be an immigrant somewhat speaking the language is hard enough, but to not know the language at all would be quite a challenge I suspect.
Canada is a bi-lingual country at least, but if it were a country like the US, the people there are pretty much insistent on everyone knowing English. A significant proportion of Americans are also highly paranoid and resentful about people (immigrants) who don't know and don't learn English - especially when they get on fine without it. There are so many Mexican communities in the southern parts of the US that most there speak Spanish in their communities and don't need to ever learn English. However, a young Telugu woman won't have such a large self-subsistent community to fall back on.
Perhaps widen your choice to including in your consideration someone who's studied English as a compulsory subject at late primary/early high school, but does not really speak it at home. That is, people for whom English has always been and will be a secondary language. (They will then be able to pick up English to use it when necessary, but still know and speak their own language with excellence.) There will be many such people in Andhra Pradesh I think, because there are many such young men and women in Tamil Nadu.
Alternatively, you'll have to spend a lot of time teaching English to her. Of course this could be fun, build confidence and strengthen ties - and involve watching lots of nice films with her <!--emo&
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo--> But it is also a time-intensive effort: time you might both rather spend on settling down into married life, smooth-running of routine and making things comfortable.In my own family, there was one instance of a young couple long ago who moved to a neighbouring state. (I'm deliberately going to be vague in order to keep the details private.) The husband at least was going out to work everyday, but the wife was at home a lot, and there was no one to talk to because everyone spoke a different (admittedly also S Indian) language. No one understood Tamil. The husband taught himself the local language and also taught his wife, but even so it took many years. I was told by the husband that the isolation his wife felt must have been very great.
This can only be greater where couples move to outside India (for example, when my parents left India for the first time), to countries where even gestures are different. And of course, more importantly, where the culture and daily mode of life is utterly, profoundly different.
Today, moving to a different Indian state is far easier, so a spouse who speaks only Telugu will not have as much difficulty. But to move to another country could be very hard for her, I imagine.
Anyway, best of luck to you. You will find a wonderful wife, the perfect spouse for you and you'll both be very happy.
As a general suggestion, one of the most important things is to always teach one's spouse anything useful that one learns or has learnt, that might benefit her/him also. Sharing useful knowledge can often be as meaningful and valuable as sharing life's joys and sorrows, sharing daily comforts like food, sharing children, time, experiences. (I know this from old cases in my own family. Very romantic <!--emo&
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo--> )