<!--emo&<_<--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/dry.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='dry.gif' /><!--endemo--> New Delhi Banishes Menacing Monkeys(no wonder, v have backlog of cases!)
By The Associated Press
posted: 11 October 2006
10:35 am ET
NEW DELHI (AP) â The Supreme Court ordered wildlife authorities to catch hundreds of monkeys that roam the Indian capital, often terrorizing residents, and relocate them thousands of miles away, a newspaper reported Wednesday.
The roughly 300 Rhesus macaques will be shifted from New Delhi to the dense jungles of Madhya Pradesh state, whose government will receive $54,000 from the federal government to cover the cost of reintroducing the monkeys to the wild, the Hindu reported.
Government buildings, temples and many residential neighborhoods of New Delhi are overrun by an army of macaques. The monkeys scare passers-by, and occasionally bite or snatch food from unsuspecting visitors.
For years, state animal welfare agencies have tried to rid the capital of the simian scourge, but their efforts have been defeated, in part, by Hindus who believe that monkeys are manifestations of the monkey god Hanuman.
Many feed the monkeys nuts, bread and bananas, encouraging the animals to frequent parks, temples and other public places.
Scores of monkeys caught by animal handlers have been left to languish in cages while the government ponders what to do with them. This has sparked protests by animal rights activists.
The Supreme Court ruling Tuesday was prompted an animal rights activist's petition saying that the animals would die if held in captivity for too long.
Six states in north India have refused to take the New Delhi monkeys, saying they already have enough of the animals, the government's counsel told the court, according to the newspaper.
Court officials were not available to comment Wednesday.
Other initiatives to rid residential and office neighborhoods of the monkeys, such as scaring them off with langurs â a particularly fierce breed of apes â met with limited success when the monkeys moved to nearby locations.
Please increase the count
'Petition to President: No mercy for a Terrorist. Mohammed
Afzal Guru must be hanged for his terror act!"
This is hosted at iVarta (News India):
http://www.ivarta.com/cause/iv005_afzal.aspx
<!--emo&  --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Sonia are on a long flight in an Air Force plane.
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy." Of course Sonia doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.I notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> Little Sameer, who was a Hindu,was failing math.His parents tried everything.
Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, but nothing helped. As
a last resort, someone told them to try a Catholic school."Those nuns are
tough" they said.
Sameer was soon enrolled at St. Mary's.After school on the very first day Sameer ran
through the door and straight to his room, without even kissing his mother
hello.He started studying furiously, books and papers spread out all over his
room. Right after dinner he ran upstairs without mentioning TV, and hit the
books harder than before.
His parents were amazed.This behavior continued for weeks, until report card
day arrived.Sameer quietly laid the envelope on the table, and went to his
room. With great trepidation, his mother opened the report.
Sameer had gotten an A in math! She ran up to his room, threw her arms around
him and asked,"Sameer beta, how did this happen? Was it the nuns?"No!" said
Sameer.
"On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they
weren't fooling around!"
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin--><b>Alcohol: Effects and Cures</b>
Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink
on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.
Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90° angle to the floor.
Symptom: The floor looks blurred.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favourite beverage.
Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the
music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<img src='http://www.verabrandes.de/lachen.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> This reminds me an old couplet:
sakia tun mainu itni pila
ya bottle mere didh vich jaye
ya mein bottle de didh vich jawan!
O Bartender, offer me so much either whole bottle is emptied in my stomach or I enter into bottle itself.
<b>They say it happened for realâ¦â¦ </b>
Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepared for some standard questions that are asked from them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony.
Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always had a standard response to the
first question. But this time.....
<b>Tony Greig</b>: So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time!
<b>Inzamam</b>: Bismillah-aye-Rehman-aye-Rahim! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when
he went in. Without his strokes it not have been possible. He was pulling the good balls. Also Bob Woolmer keeping close watch on progress and giving
instructions. It's all team effort which pulled us out of big hole. InshaAllah, we all will work together as team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time.
<!--emo&:roll--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ROTFL.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='ROTFL.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:roll--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ROTFL.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='ROTFL.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Report: Asian Games silver medalist fails gender test
Posted: Monday December 18, 2006 1:09AM; Updated: Monday December 18, 2006 1:29AM
NEW DELHI, India (AP) -- An Indian runner who won a silver medal in the women's 800 meters in the Asian Games this month has failed a gender test and is expected to be stripped of the medal, according to reports Monday.
Santhi Soudarajan took the gender test in Doha, Qatar, after the victory.
The test reports sent to the Indian Olympic Association on Sunday said Soudarajan "does not possess the sexual characteristics of a woman," The Times of India reported. The test was administered by a medical commission set up by the games' organizers.
There are no compulsory gender tests during events sanctioned by the International Association of Athletics Federation, but athletes can be asked to take a gender test. The medical evaluation panel usually includes a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, and an internal medicine specialist.
Dr. Manmohan Singh, chairman of the medical commission of the Indian Olympic Association told the Indian Express newspaper that the Olympic Council of Asia had been informed of the results of Soudarajan's gender test.
Sports officials in the athlete's home state of Tamil Nadu said that they have no information on her whereabouts.
"If the reports are true, then it is very sad and extremely disappointing," her coach, P. Nagarajan, told the Indian Express.
Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> The living daylights
[ 31 Dec, 2006 0105hrs ISTTIMES NEWS NETWORK ]
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/NEWS/In...show/996695.cms
RSS Feeds| SMS NEWS to 8888 for latest updates
AUSSIES
They play hard and they play to win. They'll sledge opponents, bully umpires, push aging politicos off podiums anything to lay their hands on the coveted cup. Don't call them for dinner or they'll have you for it.
BENEDICT XVI
Papal pronouncements can lead to global warming. Wait for the clarifications before you boil over.
BRANGELINA
Well, they didn't adopt an Indian kid. But the paparazzi had a Jolie good time Pitting their wits against their bodyguards. If they could survive us, we can survive their good intentions.
1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9|10|
11|Ne
A model con job
Kahani puri filmy hai. A âdesignerâ comes across an executive and convinces him that he has the potential to make it big as a model. The latter is persuaded to go for a photo session in a suburban hotel. Once there, the executive is asked to get a makeover and is taken to a posh salon. While he is busy with the beauty therapy, the âdesignerâ disappears with his high-end cell phone.
On December 26, the 27-year-old was on his way to work.
âI was crossing a road near Sion when a stranger called out to me. He introduced himself as Shoaib. He claimed to be a designer working with a well-known store and also a modelling agent,â Nimesh told Mumbai Mirror.
âHe told me that I have dimples like Shah Rukh Khan and would stand apart among the current model janta. He offered to help me get a break in the modelling industry. He then took me to Hotel Royal Orchid to get a makeover before the grand audition that evening.â
-----------------------------
âShoaib disappeared with my Motorola Razor V-3 I, which costs Rs 12,500,â said Nimesh. <b>âThat apart, I had to foot the salon bills too. I had bought the phone on an installment scheme and am yet to pay two EMIs.â</b>
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Why should i do my bit, when no else does it.
Of doggie poop & city governance
--------------
Of the dog sh1t in the streets of Mumbai only a tiny percentage comes from well-bred dogs like Julie. Most of it comes from street dogs. Who is going to clean up after them?
-------------------------
Received by mail.. Read to the end⦠<!--emo&  --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
A parable for our times.....
OLD VERSION.....
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~
MODERN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast alongwith other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting
Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MP's stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the Beginning of the winter.
The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden'
Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *****
Many years later...
The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar company in silicon valley
100s of grasshoppers die of starvation somewhere in India..
Birds dragged to court and sent to cage in gambling case
------------------
As they rounded up about 1,800 gamblers, the police decided the birds were of a feather with their owners and deserved no better. <b>The beaked brawlers have been charged under the Andhra Pradesh Gaming Act as well as section 420 of the Indian Penal Code for fraud.</b>
The Kakinada court let the gamblers off with a fine of Rs 1,000 each but the birds must stay behind bars till they are auctioned.
Having already hosted them for several days, the police could be excused for feeling that a bit of misplaced zeal was now coming home to roost.
âThese birds are fed high-protein diet by their keepers, costing about Rs 100 per day per bird. We canât afford this,â grumbled inspector K.S.R. Murthy at Kakinadaâs 1-Town police station, the cocksâ current address.
âFour days in police custody, and my birds have grown thin,â carped Potharaju, one of the gamblers.
----------------------
It is slap in the village tradition to ban the cock fighting. They should remove the ban.
I remember enjoying eating Biriyani cooked with loser roosters (Kodi Punjulu) cooked for the village and also patting the winner Punju and thinking when this winner Punju might lose. :-)
Only happy campers in this arrest episode are the wives of those policemen.
<!--QuoteBegin-rraajjeevv+Jan 24 2007, 01:03 PM-->QUOTE(rraajjeevv @ Jan 24 2007, 01:03 PM)<!--QuoteEBegin--> Birds dragged to court and sent to cage in gambling case
------------------
As they rounded up about 1,800 gamblers, the police decided the birds were of a feather with their owners and deserved no better. <b>The beaked brawlers have been charged under the Andhra Pradesh Gaming Act as well as section 420 of the Indian Penal Code for fraud.</b>
The Kakinada court let the gamblers off with a fine of Rs 1,000 each but the birds must stay behind bars till they are auctioned.
Having already hosted them for several days, the police could be excused for feeling that a bit of misplaced zeal was now coming home to roost.
âThese birds are fed high-protein diet by their keepers, costing about Rs 100 per day per bird. We canât afford this,â grumbled inspector K.S.R. Murthy at Kakinadaâs 1-Town police station, the cocksâ current address.
âFour days in police custody, and my birds have grown thin,â carped Potharaju, one of the gamblers.
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[right][snapback]63491[/snapback][/right]
<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<b>Brother wants Michael Jackson to be a Muslim</b>
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<img src='http://static.crooksandliars.com/2007/01/wolfie-feet1jpg.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
President of World Bank - no kidding!!
Holes found in Wolfowitz's style
----
In an earlier sartorial foray in the media, in the Michael Moore film Fahrenheit 9/11, Mr Wolfowitz was seen to spit on his comb before running it through his hair ahead of a television appearance.
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->THE HERETIC
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
http://www.nobeliefs.com/jokes.htm<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
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<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->President of World Bank - no kidding!!
<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
World Bank is in good hands. Now I have lot of respect for him. Best part he was not embarrassed at all
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