09-29-2007, 05:17 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-29-2007, 05:19 AM by Bharatvarsh.)
<img src='http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v723/giggs88/thorgoddeid0yf.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
<!--emo&:roll--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ROTFL.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='ROTFL.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<!--emo&  --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> Our team for Moon
[Monday, October 08, 2007 10:26:34 am ]
Manmohan Singh to Bush - We are sending Indians to the moon next year.
Bush - Wow! How Many?
Manmohan Singh - 100 out of which 25 OBC, 25 SC,20 ST, 5 Handicapped, 5 Sports Persons, 5 Terrorism Affected, 5 Kashmiri Migrants, 9 Politicians and if possible 1 Astronaut.
Enjoy sweet revene to Tele-marketer. <!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> pak honor for karata
Pukistan honors Karat with highest civilian award
Pakistan , has announced that it will be honoring Top Indian commie and poster boy of all anti-national activities in India â Prakash Karat with its highest civilian honor. The announcement was made by the Pak Minister for Culture and Internal Affairs Syiad Ghazi Gulab Jamal in Islamabad today.
The award is in recognition of the stellar role essayed by Karat in scuttling a vital nuclear deal for India. A press release issued by the Pak culture ministry states âKarat has done a great service for Pakistan by ensuring that our main enemy will stay energy starved for quite some timeâ. According to experts, the award underlines the importance that Pakistan intends to give to anti-national un patriotic Chinese payroll agents who are operating within the Indian democratic framework to weaken the nation from inside.
Insiders say that karatâs name was suggested by none other than Musharraf and seconded by the ISI chief. It is said that Karat enjoys a great comfort level with the Pakistani leadership and that country is keen to take the relationship to the next level. Sources say that Karat would be awarded the honor soon and can expect a rousing welcome the moment he steps on Pakistani soil.
Jamal meanwhile said that the Nishan-e-pungee award indicates the closeness of the ideologies of Pakistan and Karat and his party as well.
Reacting to the news, Karat said that he was thankful to the Pakistani government for all support rendered in scuttling the deal. He added that he wonât allow India to do any energy deals in the future, including clean energy tech transfer deals, and ensure that India does not have enough power to fuel its vision 2020 dreams. âJust run polluting thermal power plants and shut up, giggled Karat. He also slammed the UPA government for trying to negotiate with US. âFirst let US meet Iranâs energy needs.â he asserted.
When reminded that the average Indian wont take their anti-national activities lying down, Karat almost fell off the chair laughing. Later on he said âas long as Bengal
and Kerala are in our pocket, no one can tell us what to do.â
Meanwhile the communist party of India has in a release welcomed the award and said that this was an honor for the entire Jurassic commie community in the country. Indian government has declined to comment on the issue.
Karat celebrating the win: captured on a commie camera
For more log on to www.prayukth.co.nr
posted on Friday, October 19, 2007 5:24 PM
A survey of Russians revealed their thoughts about the best ways to get rich. A third of them said that stealing is most effective, whether that comes in the form of embezzlement, fraud, extortion, or plain old larceny.
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<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->http://www.telegraph.co.uk/global/main.jhtml?xml=/global/2007/11/07/noindex/nlaws106.xml
<b>Don't die in parliament, says stupidest law</b>
By Gary Cleland
Last Updated: 1:48pm GMT 06/11/2007
A ban on people dying in the Houses of Parliament has been named the most absurd legislation in Britain.
The ten most ridiculous British and international laws
In a public vote, the second strangest law was one making it an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the monarch's head upside down on an envelope.
A bizarre Liverpudlian bye-law that apparently banned women from going topless in public unless they worked in a tropical fish store came third.
However, the city has denied such a rule existed, saying it was an urban myth.
A spokesman for Liverpool City Council said: "It's something that has been heard of before and does crop up from time to time, but it is absurd.
"It is a myth and totally made up. It has no basis in fact."
But others are real - the reason people are banned from dying in parliament is that it is a Royal palace.
Nigel Cawthorne, author of The Strange Laws of Old England, said: "Anyone who dies there is technically entitled to a state funeral.
"If they see you looking a bit sick they carry you out quickly."
He added: "You can see the sense in the 1279 law banning people from wearing armour to Parliament. It is not supposed to be a violent place."
At number seven on the list is a law, the Royal Prerogative 1324, that decrees that any whale or sturgeon found on the British coast belongs to the monarch.
The law is very much still in place, as fisherman Robert Davies found out in 2004 when he was investigated by police in Plymouth.
He had faxed the Royal Household to tell them he had caught a sturgeon, and was told to keep it, but did not realise it was still illegal to try and sell it.
Eventually no charges were brought.
Other laws on the list include Oliver Cromwell's decree from around 1644 to combat gluttony by banning people from eating mince pies on Christmas Day and the revelation that, according to an old London bye-law, a pregnant woman can relieve herself anywhere she wants - including in a policeman's helmet.
Not everyone is happy about that. There is currently a petition on the Downing Street website calling on Gordon Brown to take that right away from pregnant women, calling it "an insult to male police officers".
The survey, carried out by television channel UKTV Gold, also asked people to comment on some of the more absurd international laws.
Top of that list was a local bye-law from Ohio in the US, that banned residents from getting a fish drunk.
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[right][snapback]75318[/snapback][/right]
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Nice graph! Pity though the ancient Hindus' contributions are not included. The peaks between before-1000 BC and up until the onset of the christian dark age would be much higher than shown, if the Hindu contributions had been added on to those from the other non-christian/pre-christian civilizations. The combined contributions from all the pre-christian civilizations would have probably paralleled the accomplishments of the modern age.
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> Indian Hell
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?â
He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on and checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more countries... He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell...
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, What do they do here?"
He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour..Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes and beats you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells---so why are so many people waiting to get in here?" asked the man.
Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the Indian devil is a former Govt. servant, so he comes in and signs the register and then goes to the canteen!
Government of India
Ministry of Human Resources Development
Department of Culture
Films Division
New Films Subdivision
No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 23.12.07
To:
Shri. B.R.Chopra,
Film Director,
Mumbai
Ref: Film story submitted by you, regarding financing of films by Govt of India; Your letter dt. 2.12.90
The undersigned is directed to refer the aforementiontioned letter and state that the Government (GOI) has examined your proposal for financing a film called ''Mahabharat'. The VHLC (Very High Level Committee) constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinions about the script. Their observations are as below:
1. In the script submitted by you it is shown that there were two sets of cousins, namely, the 'Kauravas', numbering one hundred, and the 'Pandavas', numbering five or six. The Ministry of Health and Family Welfare has pointed out that these numbers are high, well above the norm prescribed for families by them. It is brought to your kind attention that when the Government is spending massive amounts for promoting Family Planning in due earnest, this indiscretion will send erroneous signals to the general public. Therefore, it is strongly recommended that there may be only three 'Kauravas' and one 'Pandava'.
2. The Ministry of Parliamentary Affairs has raised an issue whether it is suitable to depict kings and emperors in this democratic age. Therefore,it is suggested that the 'Kauravas' may please be depicted as Honourable Members of Parliament (Lok Sabha) and the 'Pandava' may please be depicted as Honourable Member of Parliament (Rajya Sabha). The ending of the film shows the victory of the said 'Pandavas' over the said 'Kauravas'. The ending may be suitably modified so none of the Honourable Members of Parliament is shown as being inferior to other Honourable Members of Parliament.
3. The Ministry of Science and Technology has observed that the manner of birth of 'Kauravas' is suggestive of human cloning, a technology banned in India. This may be changed to normal birth.
4. The National Commission for Women has objected that the father of 'Pandavas', one Sri 'Pandu', is depicted as bigamous, and also there is only one wife for the 'Pandavas' in common. Thereore suitable changes may be made in the said script so that the said Sri 'Pandu' is not depicted as bigamous. However, with the reduction in number of 'Pandavas' as suggested above, the issue of polyandry can be addressed without further trouble.
5. The Commission for the Physically Challenged has observed that the portrayal of the visually impaired character 'Dhritarashtra' is derogatory. Therefore the said character may not be shown as visually impaired.
6. The Department of Women and Child Development have highlighted that the public disrobing of one female character called 'Draupadi' is objectionable and derogatory to women in general. Further the Home Ministry anticipates that depiction of such scenes may create law and order problem and at the same time invite strong protests from the different women forums. Such scenes may also invite penal action under SITA (Suppression of Immoral Traffic Act), therefore they may be avoided and deleted from the film.
7. It is felt that showing the 'Pandava' and the 'Kauravas' as gamblers will be anti-social and counter-productive as it might encourage gambling. Therefore, the said 'Pandavas' and 'Kauravas' may be shown to have engaged in horse racing or cricket. (Hon. Supreme Court has held horse racing and cricket not to be gambling).
8. The 'Pandavas' are shown as working in the King 'Virat's employment without receiving any salary. According to the Human Rights Commission, this amounts to bonded labour and may attract provisions of The Bonded Labour System (Abolition) Act, 1976. This may be corrected at once.
9. In the ensuing war, one character by name Sri 'Abhimanyu' has been shown as fighting. The National Labour Commission has observed that, war being a hazardous industry, and the said character being 16 years old, this depiction will be construed as a case of child labour. Also there is no record of his being paid any compensation. This may also be deemed to be violatory of the provisions of The Child Labour (Prohibition and Regulation) Act, 1986 and Minimum Wages Act, 1948. Such references in the film may be removed.
10. The character Sri 'Krishna' has been depicted as wearing a peacock feather. The peacock is our National Bird and wearing dresses made from peacock feather is an offence under the Wild Life Protection Act, 1972. This may not be depicted
11. Smt. Maneka Gandhi has raised very serious objection against using any elephants or horses in war scenes, since there is every scope for mistreatment and injury to the said animals. The provisions of the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act, 1890 and Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (Amendment) Act, 1960 would be applicable in the instant case. Suitable changes may be made in the script to address the objections raised.
12. In pursuance of the Memorandum of Ministry of Finance regarding austerity measures, it is informed that in the battle field sequences, only ten soldiers may be allowed for each side. Also, all the characters may be shown to have obtained a valid licence under the Arms Act, 1959 as well as the Indian Arms Act, 1878.
You may have observed already that none of these observations attempt to curb artistic freedom or ingenuity in conformity with avowed GOI policy. You are therefore requested to modify your otherwise meritorious script along the aforementioned lines and resubmit it (notarised triplicate) to the undersigned at the earliest for the Government's consideration in due course.
Sd/-
Under Secretary
Recently heard this story (true as claimed by the story teller)..
There is this uber corrupt railways babu who was so freaking corrupt that the rest of the staff got tired of him. They finally got him transferred to the PA job where all he has to do is make annoucements regarding the arrivals/departures -> platform #1 per ayee gadi patna se ane valee xyz express hai.. The guy started making the announcement followed by -> aur yatriyon ko nivedan hai ki coolie ko jyadaa paise naa de ( passengers are requested to not pay too much to the coolies ). Within a week coolies got tired of him and started bribing him to not make those announcements.. <!--emo&  --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='smile.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Damn. Dont know where to post this video I just came across. Tiger leaps up and mauls mahout on elephant in a national park. Watch from 2:00 onwards..Damn.
http://www.aolvideoblog.com/2007/08/16/tiger-attack/
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Some new rules have to be incorporated by ICC to give the other teams a perfect clarification
(1)Â Â Ricky Ponting â (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.
(2)Â Â While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
(3)Â Â While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
(4)Â Â UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
(5)Â Â All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.
(6)Â Â MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN Teamâs advice only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.
(7)Â Â NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA . This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.
(8)Â Â THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - âTHE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKETâ more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will play to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.
These rules will clarify better to all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA
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<b>Hyderabad Blues</b> <!--emo&:bcow--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/b_cowboy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='b_cowboy.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&:bcow--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/b_cowboy.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='b_cowboy.gif' /><!--endemo-->
You are a real hyderabadi, if....
1. Your address reads as 23-404-32/67A-43 (New MCH
number 56-678/4A/B-22),while you actually live in the second house beside zamzam cafe in lane behind Anand Theatre on SP Road.
2. You end up buying only a 'salwar kameez', whether it is a theatre workshop, food mela, consumer expo,designer jewellery show, science show or an automobile convention.
3. Your street has at least one roadside mobile hotel that serves Chinese delicacies such as "Vegetable soft needles", "Navrotten Kurma", "Chicken Manchewurea" or "American Chompsee".
4. Your answer is 'seedha chale jao' when somebody asks you for directions,whether it is to Malakpet, Masab Tank, Malkajgiri or Moosapet.
5. You come across tailors sporting the board: Immidiot delivery in two days onli.
6.You can speak Hindi, Urdu, hyderabadi hinglish, except Telugu, fluently.
7.You ask the waiter to get you some 'Mango pickle' even if you are sitting at a lavish continental banquet dinner with exotic Chinese, Mexican, Italian and Lebanese cuisines.
8. You order for a tea just after having had a Caramel custard.
9. You have at least one Srinivas, Prasad, Raju or Venkatesh within six square feet. OR you have at least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance with these names.
10. You have at least one cousin, friend, colleague or acquaintance in the US in software.
11. Every time somebody gives you a piece of good news, the first thing you ask them is 'Party kab hain miya ?'
12. Refer to any past as 'parso', be it yesterday or long before three hundred years.
13. You call 11 AM as "subah subah".
14. You label your boss as 'Dimakh Kharab'
15. And it doesn't matter where in the "Gulf/middle east" you are leaving you always say you are going to "Dubai". (I know of one family who still keep telling everyone their son is in "uno! Dubai mein hai" but he is physically in Yemen for the past 5 years. :-)
16. You are 15 minutes late and you feel you are on time.
17. You look at the fixed price stand and still ask 'dene ka bolo'
18. If you do not eat rice at least once a day you will die.(Nothing other than Rice is considered as a meal)
19. If you feel offended by someone looking at you (Kaiku ghoor raa miya ?)
20. If you think you are a born "shaayar" and use some typical filmi batein in stylish urdu and crack some romantic jokes.
21. While someone does this, you say to yourself 'chubbe saale ,mooh dekh aaine mein, tere ku kaun pat thi, pataaney waala tho main hi hoon'
22. If you can say the typical "Light le le baap" and be cool without analyzing what the situation is. <!--emo&:roll--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/ROTFL.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='ROTFL.gif' /><!--endemo-->
23. If you feel its legal and your Nizami birth right to show your hand and stop the traffic (better than a traffic policeman) while you cross the road whenever and wherever you like.
24. If you can hang out in a Irani cafe the whole day after ordering one cup tea and a empty for yourself and your dear friend and chat like thats the last day with each other.
25. If you eat Paradise Biryani or bawarchi Biryani atleast once in a week.
26. If you go to the Petrol Bunk and say "Panch Point Single Oil maroo yaaro" and hand over 15 bucks.
27. If you can relate the words 'Nakko', 'Hou' 'Kaiku' ,'hallu' and make these the integral part of your vocabulary. <!--emo&:thumbsup--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbup.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='thumbup.gif' /><!--endemo-->
28. If you tell your friend that you will 'just come back' ("abbhi aathu mein") and your friend knows that either you will take a couple of hours or not come back at all.
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> Heh! H'bad blue paisa vasool!
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> à¤à¥à¤¯à¥à¤ नहà¥à¤ हà¥à¤¤à¥ राहà¥à¤² à¤à¤¾à¤à¤§à¥ à¤à¥ शादà¥
30 Mar 2008, 1230 hrs IST
पà¥à¤°à¤¿à¤¨à¥à¤ à¤à¤°à¥à¤ सà¥à¤µ à¤à¤°à¥à¤ à¤à¤®à¥à¤² à¤à¤°à¥à¤ समà¥à¤ªà¤¾à¤¦à¤ à¤à¥ लिà¤à¥à¤
राहà¥à¤² à¤à¤¾à¤à¤§à¥ : ममà¥à¤®à¥ , à¤à¤¬ तठà¤à¤ª पारà¥à¤à¥ à¤à¤²à¤¾ रहॠहà¥à¤ तब तठमà¥à¤°à¥ शादॠनहà¥à¤ हॠसà¤à¤¤à¥
सà¥à¤¨à¤¿à¤¯à¤¾ à¤à¤¾à¤à¤§à¥ : à¤à¥à¤¯à¥à¤ बà¥à¤à¤¾ राहà¥à¤² ?
राहà¥à¤² à¤à¤¾à¤à¤§à¥ : à¤à¥à¤¯à¥à¤à¤à¤¿ मà¥à¤ à¤à¤¹à¤¾à¤ à¤à¥ à¤à¤¾à¤¤à¤¾ हà¥à¤ , हर à¤à¤à¤¹ पà¥à¤¸à¥à¤à¤° à¤à¤° हà¥à¤°à¥à¤¡à¤¿à¤¨à¥à¤ पर लिà¤à¤¾ हà¥à¤¤à¤¾ हॠ- सà¥à¤¨à¤¿à¤¯à¤¾ à¤à¤¾à¤à¤§à¥ à¤à¥ à¤à¥ बहà¥à¤®à¤¤ (बहॠमत) दà¥à¤
It can't be translated; u gota learn Hindi to understand it. All I can tell u is that it's a joke as to why Rahul Gandhi can't get married.
<!--emo&:blow--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/blow.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='blow.gif' /><!--endemo--> A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger
turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the
stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he
smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - .
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a
horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about
it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't know sh1t?
<!--emo& --><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> 1st gr kids fill in the proverbs as reported by Bharat to Karan Thappar:
Strike while the bug is close; Never underestimate the power of termites; No news is impossible; Donât bite the hand that looks dirty; A miss is as good as a Mr; The pen is mightier than the pigs; An idle mind is the best way to relax; Where thereâs smoke thereâs pollution; A penny saved is not much; Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose; When the blind lead the blind get out of the way; If at first you donât succeed, get new batteries; Twoâs company, threeâs the Musketeers; and, the winner, Better late than pregnant!
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
HILLARY CLINTON:
It takes a village to get that chicken crossed and we will do it...YES WE WILL! It takes a Clinton chicken to clean up that Bush across the road.
"When there's a crisis such as chicken crossings, and that phone rings at 3 a.m. in the White House, there's no time for speeches or on the job training. You have to be ready to make a decision." This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves, to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me....... That last man-chicken standing, may just be a woman-chicken.
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! This chicken, like so many chickens in America want CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the other
chickens on the other side of the road.
TINA FEY:
The chicken crossed the road because chicken bitches get things done.
They do not whine and complain about tired feet or lack of sleep, they just DO IT!
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here, is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding "NEW" problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road...
LOU DOBBS: (My hubby added this one)
The chickens crossing the road here are totally out of control; they cause accidents when they try to run across in traffic, then they expect to have free medical care in the emergency rooms of our overworked hospitals, playgrounds and education for their baby chicks, and corn ratios to feed their out of control population explosion and we already have a corn shortage here in the US. Why don't we just let Purdue Chicken Farms harvest and sell them as "free-range pullets?"
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because she's GUILTY! At this juncture,
you can see it in her eyes and the way she walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American Chickens.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market, to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insiderinformation.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens, in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@$^*~(C% .........
reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I tell you, I still got it. When she saw me, that chicken fainted dead away, as she attempted crossing the road. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
That chicken saved energy by crossing before sunset. Due to global warming, her eggs cooked in the shell, after laying, saving 80% overall energy cost to the consumer.
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? Where are the black chickens?
We need more black chickens.
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