A is for Office. This is where the average Kolkatan goes and spends a day hard(ly) at work. If he is in the Government he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 5. It's a hard life!
B is for Bhijon. (As in teli-bhijon) For some reason most of the Bengalis don't have good bhijon. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time. The effects of this show in the city.
C is for Chappell. This is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying 'go to bed, or Chappei will come and take you away.'
D is for Debashish. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debnath and Deboprotim thrown in.
E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali uses eeesh 10,089 times every year. (That's counting eeesh and other eeesh-ish words).
F is for Feesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh, what feeesh is theeesh!'
G is for Good name. Every Bengali Boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Shontuda, Chonti, and Dinku. While every Bengali Girl will be Paromita or Protima as well as Shampa, Champa and Tuki. Basically your nickname is there to kill your good name.
H is for Harmonium. The Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!
I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!
J is for Jhola. No self respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are 2 million jholas bobbling around Kolkata- and they all look exactly the same!
K is for Kee Kando. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).
L is for Lungi. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt. Everest.
M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of Formula 1 race drivers.
N is for Nangtoe. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!
0 is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!)
P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.
Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.
R is for Rabi Thakur. Many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This allows everyone in Kolkata to frame their acceptance speeches and walk with their head held high and look down at Delhi and Mumbai!
S is for Sardarjee whom Bengalis are very envious of because he is born with a semi-monkey cap on.
T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.
U is for Ambrela. When a Bengali baby is born they are handed one.
V is for Violence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will shout and scream and curse and abuse, but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.
W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!
X is for X mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up.
Y is for Yastarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali.
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin--><b>CATHOLIC HEART ATTACK</b>
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open-heart bypass
surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns
at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions
regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.
She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No
health insurance." The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He
replied, "No money in the bank.."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters!
Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--emo&:beer--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/cheers.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='cheers.gif' /><!--endemo--> Tale of 'cocktail prasad'
Yudhvir Rana
[ 26 Mar, 2007 0231hrs ISTTIMES NEWS NETWORK ]
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BHOMA: Tipsy devotees fallen on roadside is not an uncommon sight and is not something that is looked down on with disdain.
Though most of faiths of the world discourage believers from drinking liquor, but for devotees of Baba Rode Shah offering and receiving liquor in the form of parsad has been a ritual since 1924.
Devotees flashing bottles of liquor greets each other after paying obeisance at the samadhi of baba, where they arrive seeking mystical blessing. Not only people from in the vicinity come to pay obeisance at baba's smadhi , but several NRIs also make it a point to reach here during the annual fair with boxes of foreign liquor to 'appease' baba , who interestingly was a teetotaller.
At baba's samadhi , a large drum is kept to mix the 'offerings' and a 'cocktail parsad ' is given to baba's ardent devotees who gladly gulp it down. Issueless couples especially come here to seek baba's blessings.
The legend has it that Baba Rode Shah, who hailed from Dhiman village falling in Gurdaspur district had moved to Bhoma village in 1896 where his sister was married. Baba Rode Shah underwent austere penance and was endowed with mystical powers. He started helping people. Once, with his blessings, a child was born to an issueless couple, who brought a bottle of liquor for baba to show their gratitude, which baba distributed among his devotees.
Since then the tradition of offering liquor to Baba Rode Shah began. According to another legend, Baba Rode Shah had given shelter to one Sundar Singh, a bootlegger during the British regime. Despite all efforts by police, a miracle happened and he remained untraceable. Sundar Singh offered a bottle of liquor to Baba, who then distributed it among other devotees, said Puran Singh, one of the caretakers of the samadhi.
Des Raj, a devotee from Hoshiarpur, who arrived here along with six bottles of liquor to offer at smadhi of Baba Rode Shah after he was blessed with a son, was all praise for baba's mystical powers. He said though consuming liquor in large quantity was harmful, but its good if taken in small quantity. "
After all milk also causes problems if taken in large amount," he said. Davinder Singh another devotee of Baba Rode Shah said he along with his friends never misses to attend the mela . "We put up a make shift tent and spend all three days here by beginning our day with baba's prasad ," he said.
<b>Man strikes oil in his yard </b><!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->A Louisiana man takes a gamble and strikes oil in his front yard. CNN's Susan Roesgen reports (March 29)<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Universe a Global Village by 2020; US visa for all eligible
The other day, I was talking to my Chinese friend regarding global problems vis-a-vas India e.g. India has 15% population of world and 2% land of the worls whereas USA has 15% of land of the world and has 2% population of the world. Thereupon, Chinese suggested that there should be immigration pact between India and USA to bring the earth back to equlibrium as USA is ravaged by hurricanes, volcanoes and other nature's calamities. I am told by little bird that INS, USA overheard us and thinking of issuing visas to all eligible Indians.
Not only this but also they have started sending Indians on regular basis to explore Space e.g Suneeta is presently sprinting in Space and Kalpana Chawla earlier became martyr for the cause.
in Allahabad, one High School student examined his own paper and gave himselves marks, before submitting the papers, in the board examinations here. When the examiner got to checking the paper, he thought some other examiner has already checked it and was ready to move on. Then he got some doubt and saw that the marks were given by the student to himself, very cleverly on each page and in totals, just like an examiner would do. <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
The subject was social sciences, and when eventually the paper was properly checked, the student passed too.
<!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
minimal translation:
there is a tradition in Bikaner where outgoing class of dangar(veterinary) students take a marriage procession to girls' hostel to ask for a bride. Alas! like every yr, this time too, girls refused them smilingly.
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
<b>Indian Train Passengers Get Out and Push</b><!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->PATNA, India (May 16) - A stalled train in India got a helpful nudge from hundreds of railway passengers in eastern India, a railway official said Wednesday. The train stalled in the Buxar district of the state of Bihar on Tuesday when an electrical connection snapped, railway spokesman A.K. Chandra said.
The driver then asked the passengers to push the train to the next electricity pole about 60 yards away, where the train was able to restart and resume its journey, he added.
The electric passenger train was traveling between Banahi and Raghunathpur.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Laloo's wonderland
WHAT IS AN ARJUN SINGH MUSIC PLAYER?
One with no Fast Forward button.
WHAT IS AN ARJUN SINGH CAR?
One that travels only in reverse gear.
WHICH IS ARJUN SINGHâS FAVOURITE CITY?
Kota
WHY DOESNâT ARJUN SINGH HAVE TOO MANY THAKUR FRIENDS?
Because heâs âreservedâ by nature.
WHY DID ARJUN SINGH LEARN ARABIC?
So that he could read âbackwardsâ.
ARJUN SINGH WAS MADE THE LAW MINISTER. HE ZAPPED EVERYONE BY CREATING ANOTHER SUPREME COURT. HE CALLED IT THE SUPREME TRIBUNAL. WHAT WAS HIS LOGIC?
For every SC, there should be an ST.
IF ARJUN SINGH WERE TO MAKE A CAREER IN FILMS, WHICH JOB WOULD HE OPT FOR?
Choosing the caste.
IF ARJUN SINGH OWNED A MOVIE THEATER, WHAT WOULD THE BALCONY BE CALLED?
Backward Class
IF ARJUN SINGH WERE A HISTORIAN, HOW WOULD HE DIVIDE TIME?
AD, BC & OBC.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin--><b>Tamil police thinks Boeing 747 costs Rs 1,600</b>
Aarti Nagraj / CNN-IBN
Published on Monday , July 09, 2007 at 10:04
Tags: Tamil Nadu, Police
New Delhi: Handling paper work, maintaining huge records and fighting crime at the same time. Tamil Nadu police perhaps have too much on their hands.
Otherwise, can you imagine a cycle being worth around Rs 90, 000? But according to a police record in Tamil Nadu, it is valued at over Rs 91,000.
Meanwhile,<b> an ordinary motorcycle is valued at over Rs 11 lakh. </b>And thatâs not all. Another bloomer that could make you rich is by owning a moped, which the <b>police records value at over Rs 90 lakh.</b>
The 2006 annual report of the Comptroller and Auditor General of India lists quite a number of similar goofups, and it makes an amusing list.
For instance, in one particular case, <b>musical instruments were classified as Agricultural Products. </b>And another one is worth its letters in gold.
<b>Seventy grams of gold was valued at Rs 20 lakh!</b> Now we know why all that gold smuggled from the Gulf is sold here in the south.
The police seem to have hit the bull's eye with this one: <b>15,000 buffaloes reported lost in a single case.</b>
<b>A Boeing 747 jumbo, black in colour, is missing in Madurai and it's worth Rs 1,600.</b>
And here is a feat even Scotland Yard would envy. <b>There were 115 FIRs filed even before crimes were committed! Now that's what's called foresight</b>.
The police, however, are speechless when asked about the bloomers.
<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Bodhiji:
Enjoy: Mantriji, ye kya ho raha hai?
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->We secretly took this picture of Union Minister of State for Home Sriprakash Jaiswal taking a leak on the airport runway. When our leaders turn airports into public toilets, what hope is there to expect better behaviour from the masses? Jaiswal was at Leh airport with his boss, Cabinet Minister for Home Shivraj Patil on his Kashmir tour this week when this happened.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
came in mail
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->A Prathiba Patil meets an Musharraf herding goats in the Chagai Hills.
Prathiba Patil: "Nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Musharraf: "Dog no talk."
Prathiba Patil: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Musharraf: (Look of shock!)
Prathiba Patil: "Is this Musharraf your owner?" (pointing at the Musharraf)
Dog: "Yep."
Prathiba Patil: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Musharraf: (Look of total disbelief)
Prathiba Patil: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Musharraf: "Horse no talk."
Prathiba Patil: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Musharraf: (Extreme look of shock!)
Prathiba Patil: "Is this your owner?" (pointing to the Musharraf)
Horse: "Yep."
Prathiba Patil: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking; he rides me, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a leanto, to protect me from the weather."
Musharraf: (Look of total amazement)
Prathiba Patil: "Mind if I talk to your goat?"
Musharraf: "Goat lie."
<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> No translation is provided; if u can't read it, pl learn Hindi.