Kyun Kya chal raha hai??
Theek se kaam kar rahe ho na
<img src='http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v130/indiaforum/image001.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image' />
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. Zen ve vil rul ze vorld<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Jai Jai Jai Romila Maayi, Dayaa karo Soniya ki Naayi |
West Bengal ik secular samaaju, JNU hi teeratharaaju ||
Shloka
Sarve santu secularists,
Sarve Hindu mrtyumayaaH |
Sarve red pustakani pasyantu,
Maa kaschit saffronist bhavet ||
Naâasti Babari samam masjid, naâasti Stalin samam Pir |
Naâasti Nehru samam secular, tasmaat Taliban pujayet ||
Islaam paramo dharma, Secularism paramo tapah |
Romila paramo vidvaan, Jyoti Basu ek eva mahaan ||
Doha
Laal rang, laali lasai, bhagavaa dhvajaa giray koop |
Laloo Mullu Yadav sahit, Hindu dharam par kooch ||
Jai Jai kaar
Pakistan ki jai ho, Hindustan ka naash ho |
Minorities mein sadbhaavaa ho, secularists ka kalyaan ho ||
Marx suta Jyoti Basu ki jai !
Bolo Romila Thapar ki Jai!
Jai Jai Shabana Samarth |
OM* = Official Marxists<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
> TELEGRAM #1
>
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which
the father receives as :
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
> TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife : "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."
>TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
>
> TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put,
"you are not getting older! You are getting better".
The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
> "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
>
> TELEGRAM #5
>
> A man from Agra went! to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi. When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.
> He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye
> ).
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Sayed Munawar Hasan, Secy of Jamaat-e-Islami, spearheading the movement against Meera in Karachi, says,"Yeh mudda kiss ka nahin hai... Everything is a political issue. Why is India trying to confuse the Kashmir issue? Why is Meera in Bollywood? Why is she not fighting like us for the Kashmiris' freedom and human rights?
"Doesn't she know and understand the tehzeeb of her culture? India and Pakistan are two different countries, two cultures. We have different definitions of shame, respect; different boundaries for our women. According to us, Meera should not be in Bollywood. The kiss is not the issue here. Kashmir, cricket or a kiss... there is a political angle to everything."<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Alarm clock set to arouse doziest of sleepers
Wednesday, 23 March , 2005, 09:05
London: Can't get out of bed in the morning?
Scientists at MIT's Media Lab in the United States have invented an alarm clock called Clocky to make even the doziest sleepers, who repeatedly hit the snooze button, leap out of bed. View: Sify offbeat special
After the snooze button is pressed, the clock, which is equipped with a set of wheels, rolls off the table to another part of the room.
"When the alarm sounds again, simply finding Clocky ought to be strenuous enough to prevent even the doziest owner from going back to sleep," New Scientist magazine said on Tuesday.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<!--QuoteBegin-Mudy+Mar 24 2005, 03:39 PM-->QUOTE(Mudy @ Mar 24 2005, 03:39 PM)<!--QuoteEBegin--> <!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
How about a caption contest on above pic ?? Or too distasteful ? Family forum etc ?
<!--QuoteBegin--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Alarm clock set to arouse doziest of sleepers
After the snooze button is pressed, the clock, which is equipped with a set of wheels, rolls off the table to another part of the room.<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd--> <!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
If it were me, the clock would be chained to the bed, or the wheels would be carefully broken off the first time it moves.
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->How about a caption contest on above pic ?? Or too distasteful ? Family forum etc ? <!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Sure, can't stop laughing. Look at Bush and person behind him, They are happy. <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Inspiring tales for outed politicians
Our Philandering politicians who're in a rage for being outed on prime time TV can seek solace in the fact that they are in inspiring company. The Chairman of Romania's Chamber of Deputies and former Prime Minister, we're told, has offered "to sleep with the wives and girlfriends of journalists working for a Romanian newspaper to stop them from claiming he is gay".  Â
Evenimentul Zilei, a popular Romanian newspaper, is believed to have been working on a story to out Mr Adrian Nastase, an ambitious politician who's a front-runner in the presidential race, as a closet gay. But Mr Nastase's made of firmer stuff than our whining chaps caught with their dhotis around their ankles.
"If people from Evenimentul Zilei want me to prove to them that I have no homosexual inclinations," says Mr Nastase, "I will (eloquent expletive deleted) all their wives and girlfriends to show them where my preferences really are." Evenimentul Zilei feels Mr Nastase's flipped and "appears to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown".
Romanians are no strangers to the peccadilloes and other strange fixations of their rulers and politicians. Nicolae and Elena Ceausescu may have sought and found satisfaction in marble floored loos with 24-carat gold fittings which included diamond-studded toilet paper dispensers, their son preferred nubile acrobats in bed.
He insisted that Nadia Comaneci score a perfect 10 with him, and she did so too. Later, after defecting to America (where else) Nadia Comaneci claimed it was drugs that made her perform in Ceausescu junior's bed. His friends say that he was merely taking lessons in making love the Kamasutra way.
Meanwhile, another Romanian newspaper, Opinia Oltenien, informs us, in duly solemn tone, that doctors in Bucharest have scored a first-of-its-kind success by removing a man's wedding ring from the unmentionable thing between his legs.
It seems the chap, who's married and has two children, had a one-night stand with another woman. He couldn't tell the doctors how the ring found its way from his finger onto his you-know-what, but said he suspected this other woman slipped it on to his flagging thingy because he fell asleep half way through giving her a tumble in the bed. The fury of a woman scorned, etc.
The doctors who performed the miracle of slipping the wedding ring back where it belonged, Opinia Oltenien further informs us, are an experienced lot in saving men from embarrassing situations. "In another case, a man came to hospital with his peewee stuck in a Cola bottle. He looked very respectable. We managed to remove the bottle without harming his organ," one of them told the newspaper.
Our outed and enraged politicians, who look very respectable when they are not on prime time spycam TV, should thank god for small mercies. What if a channel got hold of a sting tape of doctors struggling with coke bottles and wedding rings?<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Check these out.... these are actual cases. So when you think things are not going your way... it could be worse.
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->Â Â Â Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
   A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
   It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
   You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
___________________________________________
Still think you're having a bad day?
   A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
   His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.
   While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
   After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
   The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
   As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
______________________________________________
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...
   The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
_____________________________________________
Still think you are having a bad day?
   A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she chopped him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_______________________________________________
STILL think you're having a bad day?
   Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a
slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
____________________________________________
What?! STILL having a bad day??
   <b>Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?</b>
err, just wanted to point out that one guy's slippers were stolen.<!--emo&:unsure:--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/unsure.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='unsure.gif' /><!--endemo--> Nothing else
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin-->one guy's slippers were stolen...<!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
2 mannequins short too <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
came via email:
>
>There is phone call for Ganguly, at the Dressing Room. The Team
>Manager
>picks up the call.
>
>"Hello ! I am Ganguly's friend speaking . Can I talk to him now ?"
>
>The Team Manager replies : "Sorry ! He has just gone in to bat . "
>
>The caller replies "No problem . I'll hold the line ! "
>
>
>
<!--emo&:tv--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/tv_feliz.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tv_feliz.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Very funny.!!
I did read Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. Despite the hype about it, I wasn't particularly impressed. But the book has rattled the Vatican.
Now Dan Brown comes up with a "non-fiction" which sounds even more bizarre than his other fictions. Apparently USA is the rightful claimant to Kashmir!!!
<!--QuoteBegin-->QUOTE<!--QuoteEBegin--> Does Kashmir - the bone of contention between India and Pakistan for over 50 years - really belong to the US? This is the startling revelation made by Dan Brown, the internationally bestselling author of The Da Vinci Code , in a shortly to be released non-fictional work, The Secret of the K-word .
Using spectroscopic analysis (a technique described in detail in The Da Vinci Code' the author claims to have discovered the original document over which the Instrument of Accession, signed by Kashmir maharaja Hari Singh and preserved in the National Archives, New Delhi, was later superimposed.
The secret document reveals that Hari Singh, equally apprehensive of joining either India or Pakistan, covertly ceded Kashmir to the US. According to Brown, when the map of Kashmir is reversed it becomes, uncannily, congruent with the hilly state of Kentucky in the southern US.
In a telephonic interview with The Times of India , the Houston-based author said... ..he had employed the ancient Kabbalistic form of numerological interpretation to discover "amazing co-relatives between Kashmir and Kentucky which by no stretch of the imagination can be put down to pure coincidence".
For instance, when the longitude of Frankfort, the capital of Kentucky, is divided by the latitude of Srinagar, the Kashmiri capital, the prime number so obtained has the same numeric valency as Article 370 of the Indian Constitution which accords a special status to Kashmir.
Describing it as "one of the best-hidden secrets of the modern world", Brown acknowledged that his book would "create a global furore" and "open many cans of worms".
<b>Disclaiming that America's Central Intelligence Agency had any role in these developments, the author said, "The truth can no longer be suppressed. We owe this much at least to the long-suffering people of Kashmir. May the truth set them free, at long last." </b><!--QuoteEnd--><!--QuoteEEnd-->
Actually I have argued in the past that US may be neutral between India and Pakistan as far as Kashmir is concerned. But it would just love to have an "indepndent" country of Kashmir dependent solely on its protection.
So it's April 1st in India. We'll have to wait another couple hours. <!--emo&:lol:--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Viren, I was hoping for some interesting inputs before the sounding of the 'April Fool" ! <!--emo&--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->
Now that the game is up. Might as well move/merge/delete this thread.
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/wink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='wink.gif' /><!--endemo-->