02-08-2009, 04:33 AM
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--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> A Pill a Day Keeps You Slaving Away
Tuesday, 06 January 2009 16:34
EMerck India Ltd, division of global pharmaceutical giant Merck has unveiled a new line of drug that will help millions of corporate employees in coping with recession and consequent fear of job loss by keeping them fit and healthy enough to reach their workplaces each and every day.
This new drug called Slavac (Generic formulation - Salaryde slaverine) developed by EMerck is an antirecessant and will be used for alleviating the paranoia caused by the prospect of losing one's job due to absenteeism under recessionary conditions in the job market.
The development of this miracle drug was prompted by reports of corporate professionals using antibiotics to avoid taking time off from their jobs in order to rest and recuperate after a flu or cold attack. Gruelling work schedules and intense pressure to perform by exacting superiors has made the option of rest and recuperation at home a far-fetched fantasy for most of employees in today's job market. As a result, many of them are left with no other option but to beg their physicians for antibiotic prescriptions to avoid being absent from work.
slavac-n"Slavac contains the formulation salaryde slaverine, which prevents viral attack by releasing a molecule that suppresses any viral activity in the body for the period of almost 24 hours. A single pill of Slavac taken every morning will ensure that the body doesn't succumb to cold or flu infection during the day" EMerck Chairman S.N. Talwar said during a press conference yesterday.
Continued Talwar, "Those wishing to never again suffer the ignominy of taking a day off from work, shame of wasting their valuable work hours restoring their bodies back to health or paranoia of being a given a pink slip for not being fit enough to slave 365 days a year for their bosses are advised to take a pill of Slavac every single day of their working lives."
"A pill a day will keep you slaving away" added Mr. Talwar who also informed reporters about the success of 6-week long double-blind trials during which the formulation was found to be effective in keeping the patient fit and sickness-free even after introduction of viral agents in the body.
Public reaction to the new medication has been generally positive. Millions of hard-working employees across the nation are scrambling for the opportunity, any opportunity, to temporarily escape from the anguish of spending few wasteful days relaxing at home, watching television and playing with their kids, due to sudden viral attack.
Mrs. Leena Chandra, who was one of those who took part in the trials was very happy with the results of the pill. "Taking this pill allows me to work for 18 hours instead of the normal 14 hours I used to work before. It helps me in keeping my concentration focused on my boring job throughout the day despite the terrible monotony of my work. Now I can keep working till I pass out from exhaustion"
Employers who supervised the trials of the antirecessant medication also are full of praise for the wonder drug. Mr. Rajiv Mehta, CEO of Gandhinagar Tubes Pvt.Ltd said "Slavac has the potential of increasing productivity in my factory and office even more than threats of salary cuts and job dismissals. It makes me very angry that my workers and office staff work only 14-15 hours a day. They also tend to frequently fall ill and take sick leaves. But if they start taking this pill everyday, their whole lives will belong to me."
"Now I will be able to work throughout the day and every day without taking any breaks and without suffering from any physical breakdowns. When your job is under threat due to recessionary market conditions, it is very important to stay ahead of the curve in order to survive. Otherwise how can you expect not to be fired from your job for succumbing to flu or cold frequently" said Leena Chandra.
Like every drug, Slavac too is not without dangerous side-effects. "Taking the pill everyday for several years could take a toll on the body in the long-run. While the formulation suppresses viral activity in the short-term, it can result in the weakening of the immune system and effectively reduce lifespan by 10-15 years." warned Talwar.
"But on the brighter side, shorter lifespans will preemptively cure employees of post-retirement blues. Employees who take Slavac dosage regularly will have the satisfaction of devoting their entire lives to their work and to their bosses. Working longer hours everyday, they will also be spared the burden of finding hobbies and interests to while away the extra hours they have at their disposal."
"In the long run, the biggest benefit of the drug will be reduction in unemployment statistics as shorter lifespans would create more jobs in the economy." added Talwar.
EMerck expects that Slavac would outsell every other pill in the market for the next few years. Whether it proves to be truly antirecessant or not for its millions of users, there is no doubt that Slavac will help keep EMerck free from recessionary pressures.
--><img src='style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='sad.gif' /><!--endemo--> A Pill a Day Keeps You Slaving AwayTuesday, 06 January 2009 16:34
EMerck India Ltd, division of global pharmaceutical giant Merck has unveiled a new line of drug that will help millions of corporate employees in coping with recession and consequent fear of job loss by keeping them fit and healthy enough to reach their workplaces each and every day.
This new drug called Slavac (Generic formulation - Salaryde slaverine) developed by EMerck is an antirecessant and will be used for alleviating the paranoia caused by the prospect of losing one's job due to absenteeism under recessionary conditions in the job market.
The development of this miracle drug was prompted by reports of corporate professionals using antibiotics to avoid taking time off from their jobs in order to rest and recuperate after a flu or cold attack. Gruelling work schedules and intense pressure to perform by exacting superiors has made the option of rest and recuperation at home a far-fetched fantasy for most of employees in today's job market. As a result, many of them are left with no other option but to beg their physicians for antibiotic prescriptions to avoid being absent from work.
slavac-n"Slavac contains the formulation salaryde slaverine, which prevents viral attack by releasing a molecule that suppresses any viral activity in the body for the period of almost 24 hours. A single pill of Slavac taken every morning will ensure that the body doesn't succumb to cold or flu infection during the day" EMerck Chairman S.N. Talwar said during a press conference yesterday.
Continued Talwar, "Those wishing to never again suffer the ignominy of taking a day off from work, shame of wasting their valuable work hours restoring their bodies back to health or paranoia of being a given a pink slip for not being fit enough to slave 365 days a year for their bosses are advised to take a pill of Slavac every single day of their working lives."
"A pill a day will keep you slaving away" added Mr. Talwar who also informed reporters about the success of 6-week long double-blind trials during which the formulation was found to be effective in keeping the patient fit and sickness-free even after introduction of viral agents in the body.
Public reaction to the new medication has been generally positive. Millions of hard-working employees across the nation are scrambling for the opportunity, any opportunity, to temporarily escape from the anguish of spending few wasteful days relaxing at home, watching television and playing with their kids, due to sudden viral attack.
Mrs. Leena Chandra, who was one of those who took part in the trials was very happy with the results of the pill. "Taking this pill allows me to work for 18 hours instead of the normal 14 hours I used to work before. It helps me in keeping my concentration focused on my boring job throughout the day despite the terrible monotony of my work. Now I can keep working till I pass out from exhaustion"
Employers who supervised the trials of the antirecessant medication also are full of praise for the wonder drug. Mr. Rajiv Mehta, CEO of Gandhinagar Tubes Pvt.Ltd said "Slavac has the potential of increasing productivity in my factory and office even more than threats of salary cuts and job dismissals. It makes me very angry that my workers and office staff work only 14-15 hours a day. They also tend to frequently fall ill and take sick leaves. But if they start taking this pill everyday, their whole lives will belong to me."
"Now I will be able to work throughout the day and every day without taking any breaks and without suffering from any physical breakdowns. When your job is under threat due to recessionary market conditions, it is very important to stay ahead of the curve in order to survive. Otherwise how can you expect not to be fired from your job for succumbing to flu or cold frequently" said Leena Chandra.
Like every drug, Slavac too is not without dangerous side-effects. "Taking the pill everyday for several years could take a toll on the body in the long-run. While the formulation suppresses viral activity in the short-term, it can result in the weakening of the immune system and effectively reduce lifespan by 10-15 years." warned Talwar.
"But on the brighter side, shorter lifespans will preemptively cure employees of post-retirement blues. Employees who take Slavac dosage regularly will have the satisfaction of devoting their entire lives to their work and to their bosses. Working longer hours everyday, they will also be spared the burden of finding hobbies and interests to while away the extra hours they have at their disposal."
"In the long run, the biggest benefit of the drug will be reduction in unemployment statistics as shorter lifespans would create more jobs in the economy." added Talwar.
EMerck expects that Slavac would outsell every other pill in the market for the next few years. Whether it proves to be truly antirecessant or not for its millions of users, there is no doubt that Slavac will help keep EMerck free from recessionary pressures.