USA And The Future Of The World

[acharya]

Essay

Changing family values in the US
By I.J. Bhatia

Family values are eroding in America. Now the emphasis is on self-gratification. Permissiveness in society is rampant, giving rise to teenage pregnancies, single parenthood and live-in relationships.

Marriage has also been losing its social purpose. There is no longer any commitment or obligation. “Till death do us part” has been replaced by “As long as I am happy.” The marriage rate is dropping. Many Americans are today opting for what they call a live-in relationship, which, by its very nature, implies a lower level of commitment. More problematic still is the increase in single-parenting by choice.

I have been to the USA twice. My first visit was in 1994-95 when I stayed for about eight months. My experiences there had made me declare, “If I am asked to give a single reason for all the ills facing the American society, I would mention the breakup of family, and the consequent erosion of spiritual, moral and social values.”

During my second visit in 1999, which lasted six months, I observed American families even more closely as the subject not only fascinates me but is on everybody’s mind. A recent survey found that the overwhelming majority of Americans—90 per cent of men and 92 per cent of women—agree that the family is the most important institution in society.

It is generally agreed that, next to crime, the major problem facing the Americans is family breakdown. The reasons are not far to seek. Divorce and the entry of women, including mothers, into the workplace on a massive scale have much to do with it. The divorce rate in the USA has reached an abnormally high level of 60 per cent.

A leading psychiatrist says, “America treats its families and its children worse than almost any other developed country.” He has cited the long-term ill-effects of divorce on children.

Consumerism and the need for two incomes have further eroded the family. Currently, in about 70 per cent of two-parent families, both spouses work—at least part time, if not full time.

For a working mother, every hour behind a desk is an hour not at home. The majority of American children do not have either parent— mom or dad waiting for them after school.

A recent survey found that 42 per cent of children aged nine and under are left home alone at least occasionally, and half a million children aged 11 and under are left home alone after school every day. Even most six-month-old infants do not see mom most of the day.

Without proper contact with either of the parents, the children suffer neglect and have a lousy upbringing.

The most striking area of contrast between the American idea of family and the Indian idea of family has to do with the concept of the extended family. In fact, throughout the world, there is far less emphasis on the nuclear family of mother, father and child that has been the focal point of the family in the USA. Instead, in most cultures, several generations habitually live together. In India, it is not uncommon even today to see four generations living under the same roof.

The extended family has many advantages. Stephen R. Covey says, “Grandparents who show a great interest in their grandchildren are among the most precious people on this earth.”

It is unfortunate that in America, not even two per cent of grandparents live with their grandchildren.

Extended family
What to talk of grandparents, it is estimated that 61 per cent of children in America live in a single-parent house-hold before they reach the age of 18. Obviously, one reason is the increase in the divorce rate. Single parenthood is also directly affected by the rise in the number of children born out of wedlock, especially to teenage girls.

The nuclear family of working father, stay-at-home mother and two to three children, predominated the 1960s. Changes that have taken place in the American family over the last 40 years could not have been foreseen. While the entry of women into the workplace gave women a taste of financial independence, it has also caused social upheavals.

In the early American model family, divorce was close to unthinkable. When women entered the workforce, they had to battle on two fronts—the home and the office. It resulted in a rise in the divorce rate.

It is generally agreed that women who pursue careers or decide to leave unhappy marriages are putting their own interests first, at the expense of their children’s, and by extension, the institution of marriage, family, and the entire well-being of society.

Marriage has been the oldest and the most universal social institution in existence. Marriage, once both sacred and economically essential, can now be broken unilaterally on a whim. Marriages are not only breaking up in large numbers, but the institution itself is on the decline.

Marriage has also been losing its social purpose. There is no longer any commitment or obligation. “Till death do us part” has been replaced by “As long as I am happy.”

The marriage rate is dropping. Many Americans are today opting for what they call a live-in relationship, which, by its very nature, implies a lower level of commitment. More problematic still is the increase in single-parenting by choice.

“Single parents by choice” declare fathers to be unnecessary. It is the response of those who declare that unwed motherhood is a women’s right. The lifestyle of single parent is becoming socially accepted.

With this kind of cultural acceptance, it is little wonder that the percentage of out-of-wedlock births in America has risen to 600 per cent in just three decades. Today, nearly 35 per cent of all American births occur outside of marriage.

Teenage pregnancies
About one million teen pregnancies occur in the USA each year. They have the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the industrialised world and 65 per cent of the nation’s teen mothers never finish high school.

To prevent teen pregnancies, some school managements have advocated distribution of contraceptives through the canteens. But the proposal has drawn vehement protest from some parents.

A worried mother says: “I am not happy about this. I am not happy with the school management that says it doesn’t matter what your family values are. What is the message we are sending to our teenagers? That premarital sex is okay? That sex at this young age is permissible as long as pregnancies can be avoided?”

The remedy suggested by the school management is worse than the disease. A better course would be to advocate single-sex classrooms.

Research has shown that grades improve in single-gender classes, as they are quieter and less disruptive. The 12 and 13-year-old children focus more on learning when they are free from the showing off and flirting that goes on in co-educational junior high schools.

Every day in the USA, 4,000 unborn babies are killed in the womb through abortion. It is the most wanton destruction of human life. By having an abortion, the girl who kills her own child to solve her problems rarely learns how to love. A mother with a killer instinct cannot give birth to responsible citizens.
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There are many who hold abortion responsible for the high rate of crime in the USA. Mother Teresa once remarked, “I feel that the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child, a direct killing of the innocent child, murder by the mother herself. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love but to use violence to get what they want.”</b>

Jan Blanstone says, “Motherhood is a proud profession never intended for cowards.”

The significance of early bonding between an infant and its mother cannot be overemphasised. Researches have confirmed that many children who do not develop secure attachments are at a much greater risk of developing problems that increasingly plague the American society.

The majority of American children who are in child-care centres spend many hours in mediocre quality settings that are detrimental to their development. There is no substitute for mother’s care.

Greatest blessing
Orison Swett Marden’s wife gave up her musical career to look after her home and children. He once wrote to his children, “You have a marvellous mother. I want you to understand how much you owe to have unselfish devotion. No children ever received more love and better rearing than you have had. You should thank God every day for the greatest of all blessings—a true mother.”

Dr Marden says that no woman can have a higher, holier or more important mission than the making of a happy home. Home-making is, and always will be, woman’s grandest vocation. In a happy home lies the very secret of human progress.

Many Americans are worried about the consequences of family breakdown in contemporary America. Dr Benjamin Spock in his book, Rebuilding American Family Values, says, “If we want to influence the course of civilisation, we must restore basic human values in our children. I still believe that we should bring up our children with much greater emphasis on being generous and serving others, much less on getting ahead and acquiring more possessions.”

“The wedding ceremony is no more a joyous occasion in the eyes of thousands of my ministerial brethren because 90 per cent of our young men are impure,” says a prominent American clergyman.

And a renowned family sociologist remarked, “The State permits men and women who are moral degenerates to give birth to criminals and then taxes the community to build prisons and asylums.”

An expert says, “We should demand three certificates from every applicant for marriage—first, a health and heritage certificate; second, a certificate showing that the bride has been properly trained in the science of household management; third, a certificate from the bridegroom showing that he has at least a fair prospect of maintaining a family.”

In India, a father would give the hand of his daughter to a boy who is well endowed—physically, mentally and morally—and has a regular source of income. And 90 per cent marriages in the country are arranged by parents. We believe that the parents’ judgement is much better and sounder than that of young people who rely merely on sentiment.

Marriage and the family are the pivotal institutions in every society. They promote and reinforce moral and civil behaviour.

Haphazard marriage, with very little or no regard at all for the rights of the unborn, must be guarded against. The parents must own full responsibility for the moral training of the young.

In the words of Adlai E. Stevenson, “There is absolutely no excuse for a parent to abdicate his most important duty—the proper raising of one’s children. How can we hope to secure a just and rational society if we neglect the development of our children?”